“I’ve been waiting for this book! A good read for all family members of those who are searching. It is incumbent upon all that love adoptees to encourage and support their journey to wholeness. Historically adoption proffered many claims that proved to be totally false. Any person attempting to shame or place guilt on the searching adoptee, needs to be sent to the corner with a pointy hat.”

“I’m a mother who placed her son for adoption in early reunion, a mother who adopted a son in an open adoption, and a Licensed Professional Counselor developing a specialty in adoption issues. I can only wish with my whole heart that I been given this kind of information about adoption prior to making my adoption decisions. It would have made me a better parent. This should be required reading for anyone contemplating or touched by adoption on any level. Excellent book.”

“A book for today’s adoptive families, and tomorrow’s.”

“I was touched, challenged and enlightened by this collection of stories about adoptees, their struggles, their insights, their journeys toward wholeness. This makes for compelling reading for adoptive parents who are trying to walk in the shoes of their children and straining to imagine what their lives will be like as adult adoptees. I learned lessons that I hope to put to use immediately and read essays that will take me a while to process.

This book provides a much-needed missing piece in the literature about why adoptees’ feelings about birth families need to be acknowledged and honored by all those who work with and care about adoptees. I am grateful for the courage and frankness of those adoptees who shard their stories, as well as for the wisdom provided by therapists and other professionals. It’s a book I’m sure I’ll come back to again and again.”

“The bravery and inspiration found through these stories are invaluable and underscores the truth that the impacts of adoption truly are lifelong. It’s a privilege to hear directly from fellow adoptees in such an unfettered, honest and compassionate way. Bravo!!”

“When I first heard the title “It’s Not About You” for a book on openness and how to talk about all the hard things in adoption, I felt the usual sting that I think most adoptive parents encounter when they are told these very words. “It’s not about you” is intended to convey that the needs of your children come first and that the needs to know about one’s origins and connect to them, feel one’s grief about the losses inherent to adoption and feel safe expressing them should not be taken personally by adoptive parents. It is about learning that the things adopted people struggle with regarding their adoptions should not be taken personally by parents, family or helping professionals so that they can be truly helpful to them by understanding what they really go through.

This book is tremendous effort to convey just that. An anthology of writing from those who have experienced adoption first hand and worked in adoption up close, it is filled with lived wisdom and authentic emotion, stories and advice. A must read for all who live adoption!”