It’s Not About You
Understanding Adoptee Search, Reunion, & Open Adoption
It’s Not About You: Understanding Adoptee Search, Reunion, & Open Adoption is a book written for adoptive and birth parents and their therapists. After repetitive conversations with adoptees (and sometimes their parents) about reactions to their search and reunion, I knew we needed a book to share with adoptive and birth parents on the topic.
About the Book
It is my honor to present to you a variety of stories on the topic of search, reunion, and open adoption, calling on all members of the adoption triad and those involved with both domestic and international adoptions. I present these stories to you, birth and adoptive parents, as comfort; I want you to know, understand, and find peace in the fact that it’s not about you. Those words, “it’s not about you” can be read as snotty or comforting.
There are times I wanted to take a birth or adoptive parent by the shoulders, look them in the eyes, and make it clear that it’s not about you, and you need to quit making it about you because it does not help you or your (adult) child. There are just as many times that I wanted to assure some that it’s not about you and this drive to search does not mean that you made good choices or bad choices, that your (adult) child sees you as a good parent or a bad parent; you are not evaluated at all, rather this drive is inherent, expected, and natural for all human beings whether adopted or not. The title of this book can be both inflammatory and comforting. I believe different people need to read it in different ways. I hope you understand it in the way that is most helpful to you.
Contributing Authors
I have been blessed with a wonderful group of contributing authors who have added their voices as adoptees, adoptive parents, birth parents, and therapists. The group includes people I admire, people I have worked with, people I call friends, and some I am just getting to know. You can learn more about this impressive group and read their bios here. I look forward to sharing their writing with you.
Names are listed in alphabetical order.

Wendy Barkett

Karen Belanger

Bari Benjamin, LCSW, BCD

Kristin Berry

Deanna Binkofsky

Maris Blechner, LCSW

Jeff Chafin

Erik Deckers

April Dinwoodie

Deanna Doss Shrodes

Barbara Freedgood, LCSW

Lynn Grubb

Jodi Haywood

Annie Jacobs

Mary McBride

Kimberly Paglino

Deesha Philyaw

Brooke Randolph, LMHC

Joshua Redfern, LCSW

Christina Romo

Lucy Sheen

Kerrie Siegl, LMFT

Gayle Swift
Book Reviews
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As an Amazon Influencer, I am able to keep electronic lists of books on a variety of topics to share with those who want to learn more about Adoption, Brainspotting, healthy relationships, and more.*
*This is not an exhaustive list of resources, nor does it mean that all resources included are appropriate for each individual or situation. This list is not to be considered therapeutic advice or take the place of indivudal or couples counseling. If you purchase something through any of these links, I will earn a very small commission from Amazon. These lists are provided for your convenience and information only.