EDITOR’S NOTE This blog post about Commitment Mentality in Adoptive Parenting was originally posted at MLJadoptions.com in 2013. It is reposted here with permission as it has been deleted from their site, but the quote is still floating around the internet. This posting includes some updates for clarification.
I am so grateful that I was asked to speak at NACAC again this year. Attending adoption conferences makes me a better parent by providing a bit of respite (thanks to wonderfully supportive parents that my child loves spending time with), re-inspiring and refocusing me on the most important aspects of adoptive parenting and the work I do, and creating opportunities to connect with adoption professionals, adoptive parents, and adult adoptees who can all offer important insight and support.
I am particularly thankful for the confirmation provided by an international adult adoptee on parenting choices I have made while I was at NACAC this year. I hope more adoptive parents consider attending adoption conferences, especially those like NACAC geared towards adoptive parents striving to be the best that they can be by seeking out new information, new resources, and different opinions.
I have met some inspiring professionals by attending adoption conferences. This year I got so much more out of Maris Blechner’s session than I had even hoped. Her emphasis was on inspiring a commitment mentality in adoptive parents rather than the consumer mentality that is rampant in our society. She reminded us that we may not realize just how self-focused we are individually because the consumer mentality is so built in to our society. We are taught that ‘the customer is always right’ and if we don’t get what we want, complaining to the manager or calling the company out on twitter is likely to get us something for free.
Commitment mentality is selfless and puts aside all of what we have dreamed and envisioned our child to be to meet him or her where he or she is, to love all that he or she is and all that he or she is not, and to do the hard work of parenting when it is difficult and not what you had envisioned. Commitment mentality leaves little to no room for disruption or rehoming.